I may not like it.
But I understand.
"No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne (ART CREDITS TO JOHN BARTLETT.)
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
If music be the food of love, play on.
Soooo not like anyone noticed but I deleted my music page because
1. I figured I'll just post stuff on the regular page because that just makes it easier and the songs will usually pertain to what I'm talking about.
2. I'm too lazy to check that enough and update it as often.
Here's some tunes to tide you over.
Fun. - All the Pretty Girls
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIoaiTwLk6I
Fun. - Walking the Dog
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCisO0YCjaI&feature=channel
John Mayer - Belief
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEgUUTkqRRQ
John Mayer - Neon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_M5cNcRcMk
Maroon 5 - She will be Loved
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIjVuRTm-dc
Maroon 5 - Give a Little More
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP1PsqBmbvM
That should be enough for now I think.
1. I figured I'll just post stuff on the regular page because that just makes it easier and the songs will usually pertain to what I'm talking about.
2. I'm too lazy to check that enough and update it as often.
Here's some tunes to tide you over.
Fun. - All the Pretty Girls
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIoaiTwLk6I
Fun. - Walking the Dog
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCisO0YCjaI&feature=channel
John Mayer - Belief
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEgUUTkqRRQ
John Mayer - Neon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_M5cNcRcMk
Maroon 5 - She will be Loved
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIjVuRTm-dc
Maroon 5 - Give a Little More
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP1PsqBmbvM
That should be enough for now I think.
Friday, November 5, 2010
October 12th, 1985. Tonight, a comedian died in New York.
I feel like the kind of...atmosphere of the blog is very serious. And rightly so because that was my mindset and plan when I created it. But there will be a bit of humor every so often. And speaking of which I suppose i should explain.
The actual reason as to why I do this has been incredibly vague in my past posts.
Mainly because when I wrote those my thoughts weren't all in one place, Not that they are now but I can sit down and think enough to explain.
My life up until...oh I want to say 'bout september? was only good, or that is i thought was only good for one thing, making people laugh. I focused my entireity on to this one thing so much so i became addicted. This sounds dramatic but it is the way to explain exactly. I strived for it and not to toot my own horn but i think i did an okay job of it. But I put it as my number 1 priority and valued it above anything else. I validated myself within it, without i felt like nothing and I had nothing else to validate myself with. I would feel empty and always needing constant people around to fill the void, but thats not always avaiable and when it wasn't i felt terrible. Of course no one knew this, i hid it, if youre trying to make people laugh what is the point of telling them about depressing stuff? Doesn't particularly help, I'm also not a giant fan, or i wasnt a giant fan in talking about things. Untill recently i kept everything in and did not let it out, which did not help ever. The comedy helped me forget that. Without comedy everything rushed back in, and i remebered all at once. The more stuff kept happening the more i kept in, and the more i kept in the then more and more would flood back when I didn't have laughter or validation.
This was my life for about 5 years.
When it changed it didn't get better,
I felt better but it didnt get better.
I put value on another thing and let go of comedy entirely, changing me into someone i never wanted to be. I was myself still, yet a reserved dark quieter me.
I have a find a happy balance between the 2.
I strived for nothing when i changed.
I had nothing i went after, well that's not entirely true.
I went after something, something else to validate me; Love.
Or what one would percieve or hope i love.
That's another story. For another time.
But the point of this blog is for me to tell the story of regaining that funny person of who I was without puttng such a high value on it. Without needing him, I want to be that person again but i dont want to need it.
Create a balance between 2 sides of myself and find validation without suffering...
I heard a joke once:
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed.
Says life is harsh and cruel.
Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says, "Treatment is simple.
The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears.
Says,
"But doctor...
I am Pagliacci."
Good joke.
Everybody laugh.
Roll on snare drum.
Curtains.
~ Rorshach (Watchmen.)
The actual reason as to why I do this has been incredibly vague in my past posts.
Mainly because when I wrote those my thoughts weren't all in one place, Not that they are now but I can sit down and think enough to explain.
My life up until...oh I want to say 'bout september? was only good, or that is i thought was only good for one thing, making people laugh. I focused my entireity on to this one thing so much so i became addicted. This sounds dramatic but it is the way to explain exactly. I strived for it and not to toot my own horn but i think i did an okay job of it. But I put it as my number 1 priority and valued it above anything else. I validated myself within it, without i felt like nothing and I had nothing else to validate myself with. I would feel empty and always needing constant people around to fill the void, but thats not always avaiable and when it wasn't i felt terrible. Of course no one knew this, i hid it, if youre trying to make people laugh what is the point of telling them about depressing stuff? Doesn't particularly help, I'm also not a giant fan, or i wasnt a giant fan in talking about things. Untill recently i kept everything in and did not let it out, which did not help ever. The comedy helped me forget that. Without comedy everything rushed back in, and i remebered all at once. The more stuff kept happening the more i kept in, and the more i kept in the then more and more would flood back when I didn't have laughter or validation.
This was my life for about 5 years.
When it changed it didn't get better,
I felt better but it didnt get better.
I put value on another thing and let go of comedy entirely, changing me into someone i never wanted to be. I was myself still, yet a reserved dark quieter me.
I have a find a happy balance between the 2.
I strived for nothing when i changed.
I had nothing i went after, well that's not entirely true.
I went after something, something else to validate me; Love.
Or what one would percieve or hope i love.
That's another story. For another time.
But the point of this blog is for me to tell the story of regaining that funny person of who I was without puttng such a high value on it. Without needing him, I want to be that person again but i dont want to need it.
Create a balance between 2 sides of myself and find validation without suffering...
I heard a joke once:
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed.
Says life is harsh and cruel.
Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says, "Treatment is simple.
The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears.
Says,
"But doctor...
I am Pagliacci."
Good joke.
Everybody laugh.
Roll on snare drum.
Curtains.
~ Rorshach (Watchmen.)
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Words, Words, Words.
Where to start...this blog is going to be really just a compilation of criticisms, thoughts and Ideas. Criticisms of myself and the world, and just things I think. It's not going to be all serious all the time, which might be surprising with the somewhat somber theme and very firery background.
The older I get the more and more I am realizing the loss of innocence and also the loss of self-right.
Now when I say innocence It means alot of things,
Innocence;
Now I don't agree with alot of these; now before I say what i am about to I would like to say that I am a christian. And the best way to sum up and explain my faith is a quote by the leader singer of Anberlin; Stephen Chrisitan
"[My faith] affects every single aspect of my life, but I'm not a preacher, I'm an entertainer."
But i don't think innocence is a freedom from sin or guilt.
If that were true no one would be innocent ever, we're all sinful (interesting with a firery background no? Not really supposed to be judgemental) and we will all feel guilty for something at some point. Lack of Knowledge, that's bull. That is ignorance and not innocence. Unfortunately innocence is often pegged with ignorance, which isn't true.
Being innocent, in my mind, is being sinful but not letting it change who you are.
Being innocent is making mistakes, learning about the terrible things in the world but not letting them hurt you in such a way that you give up. Innocence is the core belief that things will turn out okay...
Or maybe not? That might all be total bull too...as i write this i am finding that I dont know what innocence is, or more that I cannot define it.
Regardless. I hate the loss of innocence. Ahh I'm rambling now....
There are too many things right now that are just....shit. Honestly.
Also I will swear in here, I don't havequalms about swearing. Theyre just words that unfortunately have had a socially unacceptable association pegged to them. People take offense to them some how, usually when theyre not being used toward them. More often then not people just use them towards no one. As just another word, a descriptor, an exclamation. If you don't use swear words, good for you? But i use them because the express something just the right way. And if youre offended by them then I suppose you could just stop reading now couldnt you? but That's enough of my little tangent.
I'll get back to you on the loss of self right? I don't know.
The older I get the more and more I am realizing the loss of innocence and also the loss of self-right.
Now when I say innocence It means alot of things,
Innocence;
a : freedom from guilt or sin through being unacquainted with evil
c : freedom from legal guilt of a particular crime or offense d
(1) :
freedom from guile or cunning : simplicity
(2) : lack of worldly experience or sophistication e : lack of knowledge : ignorance
Now I don't agree with alot of these; now before I say what i am about to I would like to say that I am a christian. And the best way to sum up and explain my faith is a quote by the leader singer of Anberlin; Stephen Chrisitan
"[My faith] affects every single aspect of my life, but I'm not a preacher, I'm an entertainer."
But i don't think innocence is a freedom from sin or guilt.
If that were true no one would be innocent ever, we're all sinful (interesting with a firery background no? Not really supposed to be judgemental) and we will all feel guilty for something at some point. Lack of Knowledge, that's bull. That is ignorance and not innocence. Unfortunately innocence is often pegged with ignorance, which isn't true.
Being innocent, in my mind, is being sinful but not letting it change who you are.
Being innocent is making mistakes, learning about the terrible things in the world but not letting them hurt you in such a way that you give up. Innocence is the core belief that things will turn out okay...
Or maybe not? That might all be total bull too...as i write this i am finding that I dont know what innocence is, or more that I cannot define it.
Regardless. I hate the loss of innocence. Ahh I'm rambling now....
There are too many things right now that are just....shit. Honestly.
Also I will swear in here, I don't havequalms about swearing. Theyre just words that unfortunately have had a socially unacceptable association pegged to them. People take offense to them some how, usually when theyre not being used toward them. More often then not people just use them towards no one. As just another word, a descriptor, an exclamation. If you don't use swear words, good for you? But i use them because the express something just the right way. And if youre offended by them then I suppose you could just stop reading now couldnt you? but That's enough of my little tangent.
I'll get back to you on the loss of self right? I don't know.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Redundancy
I feel so redundant with all these new updates and stuff all saying basically the same thing, I apologize for it. Once I get everything sorted out we will get to the Meat & Potatoes of this blog.
Pages
To explain different pages (Art, Music, poems etc.)
These don't really update like my posts,
So you will have to check the every once in a while but I will also try and tell you when I have added some new things to which page.
Other than that you'll have to spend your precious time checking up on them every so often. Too bad for you. The pages are mainly to be specifically designated for that area, for instance I dont want to clog up my main posts with a ton of music videos everyday so that's why thats there and so on.
But enough of my rambling,
Since i just started there are news things in every category.
Enjoy.
These don't really update like my posts,
So you will have to check the every once in a while but I will also try and tell you when I have added some new things to which page.
Other than that you'll have to spend your precious time checking up on them every so often. Too bad for you. The pages are mainly to be specifically designated for that area, for instance I dont want to clog up my main posts with a ton of music videos everyday so that's why thats there and so on.
But enough of my rambling,
Since i just started there are news things in every category.
Enjoy.
Time.
About an hour a go I realized that I wasn't who I needed to be,
By a very close friend of mine. She slapped me in the face via words.
Words, words, words.
I created this blog;
This space for ideas (Sounds more introspective and unique)
More or less my ideas.
And my thoughts as I try and find who I and why I am.
I also created so that all my projects and Ideas may have an epicenter.
All these you will find over here. ------------->
Stories, poems, videos and upcoming projects
will be in each appropriate page.
I'll try and update each day?
At least with something be it a poem, a story or just a random muse.
I'm also a "film" maker, putting it loosely, seeing as i have made one film with my friend Eli K. We make funny & more artistic videos, for now we only have one. I shall update you with these as they come.
youtube.com/franzeliasfilms
Godspeed
C.B. Franz
By a very close friend of mine. She slapped me in the face via words.
Words, words, words.
I created this blog;
This space for ideas (Sounds more introspective and unique)
More or less my ideas.
And my thoughts as I try and find who I and why I am.
I also created so that all my projects and Ideas may have an epicenter.
All these you will find over here. ------------->
Stories, poems, videos and upcoming projects
will be in each appropriate page.
I'll try and update each day?
At least with something be it a poem, a story or just a random muse.
I'm also a "film" maker, putting it loosely, seeing as i have made one film with my friend Eli K. We make funny & more artistic videos, for now we only have one. I shall update you with these as they come.
youtube.com/franzeliasfilms
Godspeed
C.B. Franz
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